My heart's a little sore today. I keep making wishes that will never come true. Knowing that I cannot change the past, or go back to relive any of it hurts just a little more with each realization.
Today is my sister's birthday, she would be 23. At every birthday that passes I miss her a little more than the last time. It's one more full year I haven't seen her, talked to her or fought with her. One more year she has missed of my son's life, her friends and family's life.... of HER life. Knowing she left this world too soon angers me more than anything. Her life was stolen, ripped away from her and everyone else that loved her.
I hate the term, "She was taken too soon." I don't believe she was taken by anyone, I just believe she died. Where is she? All around us, in my son, my family's memories and in our hearts. I see things that my son does that remind me of her. The way he sits, eats, sleeps, drools, laughs, loves and thinks. He has a part of her in him. I believe before he was born she gave a piece of her soul to him, to help create his soul. Each person that passes before us does this to create a new member of the family. That is why you see qualities in young ones that you have seen before in your elders. These traits are passed on, over and over throughout a bloodline to create more souls. That is why my son may resemble my dad, who is still very much alive. The person who gave my dad a piece of themselves gave a piece to my son as well. My beliefs make it so that there is no God. No one creator, but many creators. Every person/soul is a creator of life.
Although I believe this, I am hesitant to share it with my son. I grew up without a major religion in my home and was welcome to choose. But because I was allowed to choose at such a young age to attend church, I was taught about religion. (NOT by my parents) I was taught about ONE god, creator of all things. Of heaven and hell, angels and demons, sins and the way we are supposed to live our lives for our lord. Learning this way at a young age was hard because it's still to this day engraved in my thoughts. I catch myself thinking of god sometimes, seconds later realizing I don't really believe in him. All because this was a part of my childhood, it's hard to forget.
I want my son to grow up and choose what he believes, as I have done. I want him to think for himself and not have me tell him how the world works and how people are created. The only problem with this is that there will come a day when he asks where Tabby has gone. Since I do not believe in heaven or hell, I'm not sure how I will go about explaining it. He knows he has an auntie he has never met, and today he thought he was going to meet her. I simply told him that she isn't with us and that she passed away, but we would still be having a cake to celebrate her birthday. He is so young that all his brain heard and understood was that we were having cake, and that was okay with him. I don't know how I would have gone into more detail if he would have asked where she was. I have no grave to bring him to, only an urn full of ashes. And that is not something I want to explain to my 3 year old.
I feel my sister sometimes and hope her spirit watches over me and my family. But I don't want to condemn her to watch us. I sometimes feel uncomfortable when I feel her around and actually ask her to leave. I felt the same with my Bampa when he died, but I never felt my Maam around. I want them all to be happy and I hope that she, and everyone that has passed on, is in a place of their own... a world they can create and control. I guess the only word for this is heaven, but not the heaven everything thinks of. This place is their afterlife. They can share it with others, or keep it to themselves. They have lived their life here and now their only chore is to help create new souls for this earth.
I never understood how a religious person could trust everything to a god when someone dies. To know that there loved one was safe, and "in a better place" didn't make sense because I could not physically see it for myself. I feel very strongly about my beliefs, but I think this is the first time I have ever written about it. I don't expect many people to understand or agree with me on this, but it is what gives me closure and peace when a loved one dies. This is my religion. I don't practice or preach anything, I just believe.
Now that I got all of that out, I love you and hope you had a great day, where ever you chose to be. Happy Birthday sis. <3
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Playing Favorites
You can probably figure out what this entry will be about just from the title. Playing favorites is one of the things people do that absolutely drives me insane. Everyone does it to some extent, so don't deny it because it's true. Your boss, your mom, dad, grandparents, and even our kids and pets do it. Some make it less obvious, and other's well, don't. Weather they are bad at hiding it or just don't care, it's irritating when it happens to you or someone you love.
I would love to be someone's favorite, but if that means that they treat other's less than how they treat me never mind!! I've been there, sort of, and know how it feels. And no I'm not talking about my parents, although my sister insisted I was the favorite one. I didn't see it. My sister did more things with my father, so I always thought she was his favorite, but it never bothered me because I didn't really care to do those things. And I'm pretty sure the only thing my mom did for me that she didn't do for my sister was breastfeed me longer. We both always got the same amount of clothes and school supplies when school started. My sister would also get my hand me downs, which to me was sad because these were clothes I still liked that no longer fit. We both got the same amount of love, chores and discipline. My parents did a good job not to show who was their favorite, although I am sure deep deep down they probably had/have one.
I can say at this point in my life that I have a favorite child. My own son of course. And I can say that openly because he is the only child I have. When I have another, who knows, maybe I will still favor him over the next one to some degree because he was my first. Maybe I will favor the second one more because it will be easier the second time around and he/she will be my new baby. But I will NEVER say which one is my favorite and I will never treat one better than the other, give him/her more love, attention or discipline. They will both be my children and I will love them both differently, but with all that I have.
Now as for my grandparents. The ones on my moms side definitely had favorites, and everyone to this day knows who they were. They cooed over them more, didn't yell at them or discipline them as much, kept every piece of art they ever created for them, and took way more photos when they were with them. Am I mad, not really. I know they all loved us differently but as much as they could. They bought us all the same presents at Christmas, and weren't really the hugging type so the fact of favorites wasn't really an issue when I was younger. As I grew up I noticed it more and was a little jealous of my younger cousins, but since I saw my grandparents just as much and had spend more of my life with them it didn't really bother me. I knew they loved me and that was all that mattered.
With the parents on my father's side, I don't really know if they actually have favorites. I assume they do and that they are just so good at hiding it that I just can't tell. My sister was the baby of the family, and when she died it was hard on everyone. And my grandparents still have a hard time dealing with it, but if I lost a grandchild so would I. They give us the same amount of money for Christmas and birthdays, and call us all the grandchildren's names until they get to the right one. They give all of us kisses and hugs when we see each other and before we leave. They seem to love us all the same so I guess unless they slip we will never know!!
My parents love being grandparents, probably more than they did becoming parents of their own because they can give him back to me when they've had enough. ; ) They jump at the opportunity to watch him, have sleepovers and make memories with him. Now, my son sees my parents more than double the amount of time he sees my spouses parents. This is mostly because of convenience. I am a stay at home mom without a vehicle, and my parents happen to live next door. So in the event of a date night, appointment or a day off, my parents are the first on the list to take him. If I lived further away that probably wouldn't be the case unless they were willing to come and get him and bring him back. I wish Layne could do these things with all of his grandparents.
My spouses parents and grandparents all live close, but we still don't see them as much as we would like to because of his busy work schedule, and their's. His father and (step) mother live about 20 minutes away but both work full time jobs. They have never babysat for us or taken him for an overnight. This I understand completely because they are so busy and my son doesn't feel 100% comfortable at their house unless his cousins are there. I hope that someday in the future my son will warm up to the idea of spending a day with them. They both treat him the same as they treat their other grand kids, which I couldn't be happier about. Blood or not his Grammy loves him just as much.
My spouses grandparents live about 10 minutes away and he sees them a couple times a week to deliver groceries, prescriptions, get their mail and bring their trash out. They never leave the house and don't have a car so they only see my son maybe once or twice a month when we are on our way into town. They love him very much and he knows it, but is he their favorite... no. They had 11 years with their first great grandson. A lot of those years Pa was healthy enough to work in the garage with him and make tons of memories. Now he can barely get around and spends most of his time in his chair. Layne doesn't do much with them besides throwing a ball or playing with his cars, but he still loves to visit. Unfortunately they can't watch him for us, like they used to do for his cousin, because they can't move around. The only reason I actually know that his cousin in the favorite is because of the money they spend on him. Whenever Christmas comes around my son would get a gift card for 15-20 dollars while his older cousin would get a video game system or an i pod. Layne doesn't know this, as he's too young to understand, so it can't bother him. They still love him and don't outwardly show that they love his cousin more, so it's a secret issue.
Just for a little background information, I have had my ups and downs with my spouses mother since the first time we met 5 years ago. So before I became pregnant, and my son was just a dream, I wondered how differently she would act towards my children. She already had a grandson who was her world, and I wondered if she had room to fit another. I found out how rocky the road to acceptance was going to be for me and my son when we told her the news of our pregnancy. She went silent on the phone and said something "along the lines" of her wanting to make sure she actually got to see the baby and be a part of his/her life. This was not said in a loving manner. All she could think about was not being able to see her grandchild, who was no where close to being born yet. A part of me was happy that she felt this way. I wanted her to love and accept my child just as much as she loved her first grandson. Maybe by her feeling this way she was letting us know she wanted to be a big part of his life. Well, it hasn't turned out quite like that.
After he was born she didn't come to the hospital to see him, she went camping instead. We couldn't get a hold of her because she had shut off her phone. My son was in the hospital for 5 days because he was jaundiced. She didn't know this until after she got home, a week later, and was told by her mother. She insists, to this day, that I kept her from the hospital, which is NOT true. She met my son when he was a week old and only spent 20 minutes with him before leaving. She didn't see him again until he was a month old. Now compare this to the fact that she was at the hospital before and after her first grandson was born, and went to visit her grand daughter when she was born in 2011. She also took her first grandson for the first time when he was a week old, and continued to take him for days and overnights throughout his life.
My son is now 3 1/2 years old. During his 3 1/2 years his paternal grandmother has only taken him a handful of times. Every time she has taken him she has been asked to. She's never called to take him or see how he's doing. She doesn't hesitate to call and offer her other grandson to stay with her for a weekend or more. She has canceled plans to take my son the day before or the day we have planned for him to go over even though her other grandson is at her house. She doesn't hesitate to judge us and say we are keeping him from her. She tries to guilt trip us by saying we never bring him around so he doesn't know her. I am tired of asking her if she wants to take him overnight or watch him for us. She doesn't seem very interested and wants only to blame it on us.
My spouses mom was currently living with her oldest daughter and her spouse, her 14 yr old son and 1 yr old daughter. She was staying with them, right up the road from us, while her apartment was being "renovated" and brought up to code. During those couple of months, she only came to our house twice. Once to drop off her pets while we watched them and once to pick them up when we couldn't do it anymore. She never came over to visit. We offered for her to come spend a night a couple of times a week but she didn't want to. We offered her to come over and have dinner with us, but she didn't want to do that either. The only times we saw her were when we called to visit over there.
Her home is now ready for her to be moved in. I called to see if we could "steal" my sister in laws son while they were moving her in so him and my son could play. (his 14 year old cousin is his best friend) That's when I found out that he would be spending the night at Nanny's that night, her first night there. I was really upset. She has lived with her grandson and granddaughter for the past 4 months, and has only seen my son maybe 5-6 times since then.... and she lives right up the road!! My son keeps asking if he can see his cousin and I told him the truth. He's is going to Nanny's this weekend. He wasn't very happy about it, but now wants to see his younger cousin instead. I hope he grows up not seeing the favoritism, because it's plain as day to me. I hope that he feels the way I did when I knew my grandparents had favorites and still feels just as loved.
Don't get me wrong, my son loves his Nanny and I wish she would spend more time with him one on one. But I will not put him out there to get hurt. If she continues to favor her grandchildren this way she will be seeing less of my son. He doesn't understand why his cousin visits and goes with Nanny but he does not. And when he gets older he will probably start to ask her and us why this happens. I'm honestly not comfortable with what she will probably tell him. I doubt she sees anything wrong with what she's doing.
I had a conversation with my mom just this past year about grandparents favoring a certain grandchild. She told me she couldn't imagine seeing one child more than the others, or treating any of them differently in front of the others. She said she would love them all the same. And I'm sure even if she didn't she wouldn't let it become public knowledge otherwise. I wish every grandparent felt this way.
I would love to be someone's favorite, but if that means that they treat other's less than how they treat me never mind!! I've been there, sort of, and know how it feels. And no I'm not talking about my parents, although my sister insisted I was the favorite one. I didn't see it. My sister did more things with my father, so I always thought she was his favorite, but it never bothered me because I didn't really care to do those things. And I'm pretty sure the only thing my mom did for me that she didn't do for my sister was breastfeed me longer. We both always got the same amount of clothes and school supplies when school started. My sister would also get my hand me downs, which to me was sad because these were clothes I still liked that no longer fit. We both got the same amount of love, chores and discipline. My parents did a good job not to show who was their favorite, although I am sure deep deep down they probably had/have one.
I can say at this point in my life that I have a favorite child. My own son of course. And I can say that openly because he is the only child I have. When I have another, who knows, maybe I will still favor him over the next one to some degree because he was my first. Maybe I will favor the second one more because it will be easier the second time around and he/she will be my new baby. But I will NEVER say which one is my favorite and I will never treat one better than the other, give him/her more love, attention or discipline. They will both be my children and I will love them both differently, but with all that I have.
Now as for my grandparents. The ones on my moms side definitely had favorites, and everyone to this day knows who they were. They cooed over them more, didn't yell at them or discipline them as much, kept every piece of art they ever created for them, and took way more photos when they were with them. Am I mad, not really. I know they all loved us differently but as much as they could. They bought us all the same presents at Christmas, and weren't really the hugging type so the fact of favorites wasn't really an issue when I was younger. As I grew up I noticed it more and was a little jealous of my younger cousins, but since I saw my grandparents just as much and had spend more of my life with them it didn't really bother me. I knew they loved me and that was all that mattered.
With the parents on my father's side, I don't really know if they actually have favorites. I assume they do and that they are just so good at hiding it that I just can't tell. My sister was the baby of the family, and when she died it was hard on everyone. And my grandparents still have a hard time dealing with it, but if I lost a grandchild so would I. They give us the same amount of money for Christmas and birthdays, and call us all the grandchildren's names until they get to the right one. They give all of us kisses and hugs when we see each other and before we leave. They seem to love us all the same so I guess unless they slip we will never know!!
My parents love being grandparents, probably more than they did becoming parents of their own because they can give him back to me when they've had enough. ; ) They jump at the opportunity to watch him, have sleepovers and make memories with him. Now, my son sees my parents more than double the amount of time he sees my spouses parents. This is mostly because of convenience. I am a stay at home mom without a vehicle, and my parents happen to live next door. So in the event of a date night, appointment or a day off, my parents are the first on the list to take him. If I lived further away that probably wouldn't be the case unless they were willing to come and get him and bring him back. I wish Layne could do these things with all of his grandparents.
My spouses parents and grandparents all live close, but we still don't see them as much as we would like to because of his busy work schedule, and their's. His father and (step) mother live about 20 minutes away but both work full time jobs. They have never babysat for us or taken him for an overnight. This I understand completely because they are so busy and my son doesn't feel 100% comfortable at their house unless his cousins are there. I hope that someday in the future my son will warm up to the idea of spending a day with them. They both treat him the same as they treat their other grand kids, which I couldn't be happier about. Blood or not his Grammy loves him just as much.
My spouses grandparents live about 10 minutes away and he sees them a couple times a week to deliver groceries, prescriptions, get their mail and bring their trash out. They never leave the house and don't have a car so they only see my son maybe once or twice a month when we are on our way into town. They love him very much and he knows it, but is he their favorite... no. They had 11 years with their first great grandson. A lot of those years Pa was healthy enough to work in the garage with him and make tons of memories. Now he can barely get around and spends most of his time in his chair. Layne doesn't do much with them besides throwing a ball or playing with his cars, but he still loves to visit. Unfortunately they can't watch him for us, like they used to do for his cousin, because they can't move around. The only reason I actually know that his cousin in the favorite is because of the money they spend on him. Whenever Christmas comes around my son would get a gift card for 15-20 dollars while his older cousin would get a video game system or an i pod. Layne doesn't know this, as he's too young to understand, so it can't bother him. They still love him and don't outwardly show that they love his cousin more, so it's a secret issue.
Just for a little background information, I have had my ups and downs with my spouses mother since the first time we met 5 years ago. So before I became pregnant, and my son was just a dream, I wondered how differently she would act towards my children. She already had a grandson who was her world, and I wondered if she had room to fit another. I found out how rocky the road to acceptance was going to be for me and my son when we told her the news of our pregnancy. She went silent on the phone and said something "along the lines" of her wanting to make sure she actually got to see the baby and be a part of his/her life. This was not said in a loving manner. All she could think about was not being able to see her grandchild, who was no where close to being born yet. A part of me was happy that she felt this way. I wanted her to love and accept my child just as much as she loved her first grandson. Maybe by her feeling this way she was letting us know she wanted to be a big part of his life. Well, it hasn't turned out quite like that.
After he was born she didn't come to the hospital to see him, she went camping instead. We couldn't get a hold of her because she had shut off her phone. My son was in the hospital for 5 days because he was jaundiced. She didn't know this until after she got home, a week later, and was told by her mother. She insists, to this day, that I kept her from the hospital, which is NOT true. She met my son when he was a week old and only spent 20 minutes with him before leaving. She didn't see him again until he was a month old. Now compare this to the fact that she was at the hospital before and after her first grandson was born, and went to visit her grand daughter when she was born in 2011. She also took her first grandson for the first time when he was a week old, and continued to take him for days and overnights throughout his life.
My son is now 3 1/2 years old. During his 3 1/2 years his paternal grandmother has only taken him a handful of times. Every time she has taken him she has been asked to. She's never called to take him or see how he's doing. She doesn't hesitate to call and offer her other grandson to stay with her for a weekend or more. She has canceled plans to take my son the day before or the day we have planned for him to go over even though her other grandson is at her house. She doesn't hesitate to judge us and say we are keeping him from her. She tries to guilt trip us by saying we never bring him around so he doesn't know her. I am tired of asking her if she wants to take him overnight or watch him for us. She doesn't seem very interested and wants only to blame it on us.
My spouses mom was currently living with her oldest daughter and her spouse, her 14 yr old son and 1 yr old daughter. She was staying with them, right up the road from us, while her apartment was being "renovated" and brought up to code. During those couple of months, she only came to our house twice. Once to drop off her pets while we watched them and once to pick them up when we couldn't do it anymore. She never came over to visit. We offered for her to come spend a night a couple of times a week but she didn't want to. We offered her to come over and have dinner with us, but she didn't want to do that either. The only times we saw her were when we called to visit over there.
Her home is now ready for her to be moved in. I called to see if we could "steal" my sister in laws son while they were moving her in so him and my son could play. (his 14 year old cousin is his best friend) That's when I found out that he would be spending the night at Nanny's that night, her first night there. I was really upset. She has lived with her grandson and granddaughter for the past 4 months, and has only seen my son maybe 5-6 times since then.... and she lives right up the road!! My son keeps asking if he can see his cousin and I told him the truth. He's is going to Nanny's this weekend. He wasn't very happy about it, but now wants to see his younger cousin instead. I hope he grows up not seeing the favoritism, because it's plain as day to me. I hope that he feels the way I did when I knew my grandparents had favorites and still feels just as loved.
Don't get me wrong, my son loves his Nanny and I wish she would spend more time with him one on one. But I will not put him out there to get hurt. If she continues to favor her grandchildren this way she will be seeing less of my son. He doesn't understand why his cousin visits and goes with Nanny but he does not. And when he gets older he will probably start to ask her and us why this happens. I'm honestly not comfortable with what she will probably tell him. I doubt she sees anything wrong with what she's doing.
I had a conversation with my mom just this past year about grandparents favoring a certain grandchild. She told me she couldn't imagine seeing one child more than the others, or treating any of them differently in front of the others. She said she would love them all the same. And I'm sure even if she didn't she wouldn't let it become public knowledge otherwise. I wish every grandparent felt this way.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Balls Vs Birth
WARNING: Graphic pictures!
It drives me crazy when guys say that getting kicked in the balls hurts worse than going through childbirth. I'm pretty sure the reason for this is that they have never gone through intense labor, delivery and aftercare. I just can't believe they would have the balls to say something like that to someone who has gone through hours upon hours of excruciating pain. No pun intended!!! But then I also have never been kicked in the nuts, as I don't have any, so I do feel as though there is no way to honestly compare these two experiences. (I'll give it a try.) Even if a study was done, each person deals with pain differently which is why a doctor asks you from one to ten how you feel when your in pain. Each kick in the balls is not the to the same degree just as each woman's childbirth pain's differ. What I call a 9 someone else could call a 6 and so on.
All I have to go on here for information is my personal experience through childbirth, along with some information from various sites and reading about a man's personal experience of getting kicked in the balls. I have tried to look up information on a study that was done at University of Birmingham which states that they have "conclusively proved" through brain imaging techniques that a kick to the groin is more painful than giving birth. This was an answer from chacha.com to the question, "Is it true that getting kicked in the balls is equal to giving birth". I am not sure how accurate this information is since I did find another question on Chacha similar to this with the answer stating, "nothing can come close to childbirth, not even a kick to the balls". There is no link to the Birmingham study or any more information provided on Chacha.com. The only other information on the subject was found at pastebin.com which "seems" to be taken from a document or study. I could not find the link to the study here either. ( All links are located at the bottom of this blog in References!!)
Anyway, I am sure some of you have seen this.....
and this......
circulating around facebook or the internet.
The only problem with these two photos is the horribly inaccurate information they provide. There is actually NO such thing as a del unit of pain!! I spent over an hour looking for information on the "del" pain scale and came across this at wiki answers.
This is a fake unit of measurement made popular by an internet rumor. A scale of pain measured in dols (1-10) is used sometimes, but is relative and the validity of it is questionable at best.
So if that doesn't have you convinced, lets take logic into consideration, shall we? If the human body can only bear up to 45 "del" units of pain but at the time of birth a woman feels "up to" 57 "del" units of pain... wouldn't that mean that after 45 units she would either pass out or die? And last but not least, the second half of the second picture above states that a kick in the balls is ABOVE 9000 "del" units of pain. Now if the human body can only handle up to 45 units why would ANYONE believe a kick to the balls measures 200 times that amount??
Sounds to me that someone got bored and created a fake unit of measurement that made a woman seem extremely strong during childbirth. Kudo's for trying to make what we feel relevant to those who don't understand. But unfortunately, someone else came along and made a mockery of your stupidity by making getting kicked in the balls sound more excruciatingly painful than having a baby.
While reading "The science of being hit in the groin", a blog post by Nick Nafpliotis, I've come to realize that getting kicked in the balls is actually a lot similar to going through labor pains. Similar... but definitely NOT the same. He explains the pain process in these steps:
Now anyone that has had a baby can actually relate to a lot of what the man above has stated. And not I will give a step by step process of my labor explained in detail.... and with photos. :)
SO, you got kicked in the balls... how long did that pain last exactly? You threw up did you, so did I when I was in labor the first time!!! Were you having contractions and back labor 30 minutes apart for A WEEK? Did you push a baby out of your privates for 44 minutes, feeling everything from the contractions, the back labor aches and burning, and everything being stretched SLOWLY for a baby's head and shoulders to come out?? Did someone cut your privates open without pain medication? Did they sew you back up, still without pain medication? Did it take 2 MONTHS to heal from being cut open? Did you rip your stitches and have to wait to have sex for an extra month? The answer to most all of these questions is probably a big fat NO. So next time you plan on comparing childbirth to getting kicked in your gonads, remember this blog post and the angry woman who wrote it so you don't have to have someone rant all of these painful experiences to you in gross detail again.
Have a good day. : )
Resources:
http://www.ramblingbeachcat.com/2006/08/science-of-being-hit-in-groin.html - A mans personal experience of getting kicked in the balls.
If you cannot see the question or answer at Chacha.com and it says, The content you requested is no longer available. Please try asking another question! Write in the question from the url in the top right hand corner. : )
http://www.chacha.com/askChaCha/is+it+true+that+getting+kicking+in+the+balls+is+equal+to+giving+birth- Question asked and answered by Chacha.com.
http://www.chacha.com/question/how-many-del-units-in-getting-kicked-in-the-nuts - Question asked and answered by Chacha.com.
http://www.chacha.com/question/which-has-more-del-units-childbirth-or-an-kick-to-the-balls - Question asked and answered by Chacha.com.
http://factsfromfiction.blogspot.com/2012/05/human-body-handles-45-dels-units-of.html -The incorrect Del Pain photo's circulating facebook.
http://pastebin.com/8AFLR9s2 - Only info I could find on the University of Birmingham Study.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_meant_by_del_of_pain - Question asked and answered by wiki.answers.com.
http://www.babycenter.com/stages-of-labor?page=6 - Stages of labor and delivery. Very informative!!!
http://www.babymed.com/pregnancy-symptoms/diarrhea-pre-labor - Pre-labor diarrhea information.
http://www.babies.sutterhealth.org/laboranddelivery/labor/ld_contractns.html - Labor Contraction informations.
http://www.pregnancyandbaby.com/pregnancy/articles/944257/what-does-back-labor-feel-like - Quote on back labor.
http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/inducing-labor - Inducing labor.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episiotomy - Defenition of Episiotomy.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_postpartum-perineal-pain_256.bc - Perineal care and pain information.
http://www.mybirth.com.au/intervention/episiotomy.html -Photo of Episiotomy.
http://intranet.tdmu.edu.ua/data/kafedra/internal/ginecology2/classes_stud/English/6/4_Obstetric%20lacerations.%20Modern%20aspects%20to%20diagnosis%20and%20treatment%20of%20maternal%20obstetric%20lacerations.htm - Photo of Perineal stitching.
http://www.privatehealth.co.uk/private-operations/anaesthesia/epidural/ - Photo's of the epidural.
It drives me crazy when guys say that getting kicked in the balls hurts worse than going through childbirth. I'm pretty sure the reason for this is that they have never gone through intense labor, delivery and aftercare. I just can't believe they would have the balls to say something like that to someone who has gone through hours upon hours of excruciating pain. No pun intended!!! But then I also have never been kicked in the nuts, as I don't have any, so I do feel as though there is no way to honestly compare these two experiences. (I'll give it a try.) Even if a study was done, each person deals with pain differently which is why a doctor asks you from one to ten how you feel when your in pain. Each kick in the balls is not the to the same degree just as each woman's childbirth pain's differ. What I call a 9 someone else could call a 6 and so on.
All I have to go on here for information is my personal experience through childbirth, along with some information from various sites and reading about a man's personal experience of getting kicked in the balls. I have tried to look up information on a study that was done at University of Birmingham which states that they have "conclusively proved" through brain imaging techniques that a kick to the groin is more painful than giving birth. This was an answer from chacha.com to the question, "Is it true that getting kicked in the balls is equal to giving birth". I am not sure how accurate this information is since I did find another question on Chacha similar to this with the answer stating, "nothing can come close to childbirth, not even a kick to the balls". There is no link to the Birmingham study or any more information provided on Chacha.com. The only other information on the subject was found at pastebin.com which "seems" to be taken from a document or study. I could not find the link to the study here either. ( All links are located at the bottom of this blog in References!!)
Anyway, I am sure some of you have seen this.....
and this......
circulating around facebook or the internet.
The only problem with these two photos is the horribly inaccurate information they provide. There is actually NO such thing as a del unit of pain!! I spent over an hour looking for information on the "del" pain scale and came across this at wiki answers.
What is meant by del of pain?
This is a fake unit of measurement made popular by an internet rumor. A scale of pain measured in dols (1-10) is used sometimes, but is relative and the validity of it is questionable at best.
So if that doesn't have you convinced, lets take logic into consideration, shall we? If the human body can only bear up to 45 "del" units of pain but at the time of birth a woman feels "up to" 57 "del" units of pain... wouldn't that mean that after 45 units she would either pass out or die? And last but not least, the second half of the second picture above states that a kick in the balls is ABOVE 9000 "del" units of pain. Now if the human body can only handle up to 45 units why would ANYONE believe a kick to the balls measures 200 times that amount??
Sounds to me that someone got bored and created a fake unit of measurement that made a woman seem extremely strong during childbirth. Kudo's for trying to make what we feel relevant to those who don't understand. But unfortunately, someone else came along and made a mockery of your stupidity by making getting kicked in the balls sound more excruciatingly painful than having a baby.
While reading "The science of being hit in the groin", a blog post by Nick Nafpliotis, I've come to realize that getting kicked in the balls is actually a lot similar to going through labor pains. Similar... but definitely NOT the same. He explains the pain process in these steps:
- Rage - "At the time you are hit, you maybe have maybe 5-20 seconds where you are either in shock or in a blind rage at the person who did this to you. During these few seconds, you are able to move ahead fueled solely on adrenaline and anger. I, however, went down like a sack of bricks immediately during this particular incident. But I have had the "rage push" before. Afterwards is when the real agony begins. "
- The Stomach Ache - "As you lay on the ground or keel over, you develop a very weird stomach ache. It's odd because you know that no type of release from your large intestines will cure it. It almost feels like someone is spraying a type of stomach ache gas that is slowly making its way towards your lungs. It tends intensify greatly at first and then just lingers.......The stomach ache kept me firmly on the ground, groaning in pain. Unfortunately, I was far from the end of my suffering."
- Nausea - "The next feeling that many groin hit victims feel is nausea. This is caused by one of two things: A rush of sympathetic nervous system discharge (which hinges greatly upon how susceptible you are to vomiting in general) and/or the severe and sudden contraction of stomach muscles"
- False Bleeding Sensation - "After that, you feel as though all the blood in that part of your body is rushing forward to get out. Often times, you mistakenly believe that you are actually bleeding. You're (most likely) not, but you never get used to the fear."
- The Empathetic Pain - "The next part is psychological. This type of empathy towards others in pain is not uncommon, but it can give the receiver of a recent hit to the nuts a crushing feeling of guilt and despair."
- The Aftermath - "Once you get up, you feel weak and timid. If it was a really solid and dead on hit, you'll still feel the pain long after you have come out of the initial shock and start trying to move around. The stomach ache is still there and you're having trouble walking without a limp. Your pride and your body have been hurt in the worst way possible. It sticks with you."
Now anyone that has had a baby can actually relate to a lot of what the man above has stated. And not I will give a step by step process of my labor explained in detail.... and with photos. :)
- Diarrhea - Yep, we get pre-labor diarrhea. This was my biggest sign that labor was approaching. "Some doctors believe that diarrhea occurs because it empties the bowels, making room for the baby to move through the birth canal."
- The First Contractions - I actually went into labor at 35 weeks and went through an entire night of nausea from the medications I was given to make my labor stop. I got sent home the next day and was put on bed rest. I continued have early stage contractions for a week before having them get stronger and closer together at around 9 o'clock at night. "contractions that occur in early labor are similar to menstrual cramps, or severe gas pains, which may be confused with flu symptoms or intestinal disorders. Each contraction will gradually gain in intensity until the contraction peaks, then slowly subside and go away. As the strength of each contraction increases, the peaks will come sooner and last longer. "
- Back Labor - Then contractions stayed 10 minutes apart, and were mostly in my back until the next morning at 8:00 am. (I didn't sleep much AT ALL that night.) I ended up going in and was 5 cm dilated so was then sent to the hospital. My back labor continued throughout my entire labor and delivery. It's an intense burning sensation that radiates out from the middle of your lower back. Like a contraction it gets stronger and stronger and then lessens but never goes away. A heat pack or massage sometimes alleviates the pain. "It felt like someone was trying to pull my back apart with a pair of pliers in different directions with pain shooting vertically and diagonally. My tailbone area really hurt after delivery."
- Intense Contractions - My contractions started to get stronger and became 2-3 minutes apart and I dilated to 6 cm. They were so strong that I had to hold my breath through them. "Active labor is when things really get rolling. Your contractions become increasingly intense – more frequent, longer, and stronger – and you'll no longer be able to talk through them. Your cervix dilates more quickly, until it's fully dilated at 10 centimeters."
- Rage - There became a point where I was just done. I didn't want to be in pain anymore and was mad that Nick "did this to me". It was then that I asked for an epidural lol.
- Water Breaks - After I got the epidural and they gave me the shot they put my catheter in, so I wouldn't pee on them, and then they broke my water. It's not a very pleasant feeling. Almost as though you have peed yourself. "If your cervix is already at least partially dilated, your doctor can "break your water" by making a hole in your amniotic sac using a small plastic hook. Once your amniotic sac has broken, you should may having contractions."
- Nausea And Needing To Vacate Bowels- Once you get to the point where you feel as though you need to "relieve yourself", it's time to push!!! I also got extremely nauseous, chewing on ice helped a little.
- Pushing - Fun!!! Mine lasted for 44 minutes!!! You are not allowed to yell, as you might scare the other patients and are wasting the energy you could be putting into every push. The epidural had worn off my uterus, back and private region so I could feel all of the contractions, back pain and stretching my body was doing. It however did not wear off of my leg, so I had a dead leg and needed my mother to hold it to my chest. Too bad all of the pain wasn't there haha, what a waste!! " With each contraction, the force of your uterus – combined with the force of your abdominal muscles if you're actively pushing – exerts pressure on your baby to continue to move down through the birth canal. When a contraction is over and your uterus is relaxed, your baby's head will recede slightly in a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of progression."
- Episiotomy - Since my midwife didn't tell me she was cutting me all of a sudden I just got an intense burning/ripping sensation down there after a contraction. She didn't use any local anesthesia for this so it was quite a scare. "Episiotomy, also known as perineotomy, is a surgically planned incision on the perineum and the posterior vaginal wall during the second stage of labor. (the perineum is the tissue between a woman's vagina and rectum) The incision, which can be midline or at an angle from the posterior end of the vulva, is performed under local anesthetic (pudendal anesthesia), and is sutured closed after delivery."
- Afterbirth - This is when your nurse pushes and massages your stomach and has you push to expel the placenta from the uterus. Some people also have afterbirth pains, I got them the next day which also could have resulted from my breastfeeding as it helps to contract the uterus and get it back to normal size. "Minutes after giving birth, your uterus begins to contract again. The first few contractions usually separate the placenta from your uterine wall."
- Stitching The Perineum - The nurse then stitches the "incision" closed. Unfortunately my midwife didn't give me any local anesthesia for this either so I felt every stitch. "Healing times vary from woman to woman, but in general, the deeper the cut or tear, the longer the recovery time. A typical episiotomy or second-degree tear which involves skin and muscle, requires stitches and usually heals in two to three weeks. (The stitches dissolve on their own during this time.) Some women feel little pain after a week, while others have discomfort for a month."
- Aftercare - You are given a water bottle and are told to fill it with warm water to rinse your privates during and after every bathroom break to keep them clean. This stings quite a bit. It take's at least 6 weeks, sometimes more, for the stitches to completely dissolve and your vaginal walls to get like they were before baby. Mine took 2 months because I ripped my stitches and they could not sew me back up. I had to let it heal slowly. It hurt to sit and to use the bathroom for a long time.
I hope this information has helped you to understand why women strongly believe childbirth is more painful that getting kicked in the nuts. And if this information wasn't enough... here are some pictures of what I went through. (not my body, just examples of the procedures.)
Below is a photo of an Episiotomy:
Below is a picture of the perineal stitching and repair:
Below are two photo's of an Epidural:
SO, you got kicked in the balls... how long did that pain last exactly? You threw up did you, so did I when I was in labor the first time!!! Were you having contractions and back labor 30 minutes apart for A WEEK? Did you push a baby out of your privates for 44 minutes, feeling everything from the contractions, the back labor aches and burning, and everything being stretched SLOWLY for a baby's head and shoulders to come out?? Did someone cut your privates open without pain medication? Did they sew you back up, still without pain medication? Did it take 2 MONTHS to heal from being cut open? Did you rip your stitches and have to wait to have sex for an extra month? The answer to most all of these questions is probably a big fat NO. So next time you plan on comparing childbirth to getting kicked in your gonads, remember this blog post and the angry woman who wrote it so you don't have to have someone rant all of these painful experiences to you in gross detail again.
Have a good day. : )
Resources:
http://www.ramblingbeachcat.com/2006/08/science-of-being-hit-in-groin.html - A mans personal experience of getting kicked in the balls.
If you cannot see the question or answer at Chacha.com and it says, The content you requested is no longer available. Please try asking another question! Write in the question from the url in the top right hand corner. : )
http://www.chacha.com/askChaCha/is+it+true+that+getting+kicking+in+the+balls+is+equal+to+giving+birth- Question asked and answered by Chacha.com.
http://www.chacha.com/question/how-many-del-units-in-getting-kicked-in-the-nuts - Question asked and answered by Chacha.com.
http://www.chacha.com/question/which-has-more-del-units-childbirth-or-an-kick-to-the-balls - Question asked and answered by Chacha.com.
http://factsfromfiction.blogspot.com/2012/05/human-body-handles-45-dels-units-of.html -The incorrect Del Pain photo's circulating facebook.
http://pastebin.com/8AFLR9s2 - Only info I could find on the University of Birmingham Study.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_meant_by_del_of_pain - Question asked and answered by wiki.answers.com.
http://www.babycenter.com/stages-of-labor?page=6 - Stages of labor and delivery. Very informative!!!
http://www.babymed.com/pregnancy-symptoms/diarrhea-pre-labor - Pre-labor diarrhea information.
http://www.babies.sutterhealth.org/laboranddelivery/labor/ld_contractns.html - Labor Contraction informations.
http://www.pregnancyandbaby.com/pregnancy/articles/944257/what-does-back-labor-feel-like - Quote on back labor.
http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/inducing-labor - Inducing labor.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episiotomy - Defenition of Episiotomy.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_postpartum-perineal-pain_256.bc - Perineal care and pain information.
http://www.mybirth.com.au/intervention/episiotomy.html -Photo of Episiotomy.
http://intranet.tdmu.edu.ua/data/kafedra/internal/ginecology2/classes_stud/English/6/4_Obstetric%20lacerations.%20Modern%20aspects%20to%20diagnosis%20and%20treatment%20of%20maternal%20obstetric%20lacerations.htm - Photo of Perineal stitching.
http://www.privatehealth.co.uk/private-operations/anaesthesia/epidural/ - Photo's of the epidural.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree!!
I grew up with a real Christmas tree in my house every year. I loved going with my family to pick one out at the local tree stands, bringing it home and setting it up. Decorating with Christmas music in the background and dancing around the tree. Hanging the hand made ornaments and little bells my mother said would give an angel their wings every time they were jingled. I grew up opening my Christmas presents early on Christmas Eve so we could go to my grandparents house that night. Santa would come and deliver presents there for Christmas morning. Christmas time was a special time for me. A time for family.
We were a little late getting ready for Christmas this year. By the time we had decided we should get our tree all the local places only had the big, expensive ones left. So we decided to cut down our own, right out of our backyard. My dad got out his chainsaw and while Nick, Layne and I watched, he cut down the second real tree we've had in our home. Layne loved walking up the road and through the woods looking for the perfect Christmas tree. He loved picking it out, watching as Po cut it down and then helping us shake the ice off before we brought it upstairs. The house smelled of fresh pine. And even though there were pine needles and sap all over my floor I was beyond happy to have created that memory with my family. A new tradition I hope we can continue every year.
The Christmas tree in our house symbolizes our lives coming together. We decorate it with ornaments from our childhood as well as new ones we pick out each year. Layne has his own little bag started, and Nick and I have one as well. We also have a bag that belong to all of us and is filled with ornaments that represent our family. When the day comes and Layne "leaves the nest", I will pack his ornaments and give them to him to decorate his own tree, with the family he will start. And I hope he will carry on the traditions we have brought into his life that created memories he will never forget.
With all of that said, there is also a time when the tree has to come down. And today was that day, mine is finally gone!!! We threw it out the window today, seriously. (I live on the second floor and since there were cups of pine needles falling off every time the tree was moved I thought it would be less of a mess to toss it out the nearest window instead of dragging it down our 20 stairs.) I think Layne enjoy's taking the decorations down and watching daddy throw it out the window just as much as he likes setting it up. And since this is the second year we have done it, I think we have started another tradition. A silly one, but one Layne will probably always remember. : )
We were a little late getting ready for Christmas this year. By the time we had decided we should get our tree all the local places only had the big, expensive ones left. So we decided to cut down our own, right out of our backyard. My dad got out his chainsaw and while Nick, Layne and I watched, he cut down the second real tree we've had in our home. Layne loved walking up the road and through the woods looking for the perfect Christmas tree. He loved picking it out, watching as Po cut it down and then helping us shake the ice off before we brought it upstairs. The house smelled of fresh pine. And even though there were pine needles and sap all over my floor I was beyond happy to have created that memory with my family. A new tradition I hope we can continue every year.
The Christmas tree in our house symbolizes our lives coming together. We decorate it with ornaments from our childhood as well as new ones we pick out each year. Layne has his own little bag started, and Nick and I have one as well. We also have a bag that belong to all of us and is filled with ornaments that represent our family. When the day comes and Layne "leaves the nest", I will pack his ornaments and give them to him to decorate his own tree, with the family he will start. And I hope he will carry on the traditions we have brought into his life that created memories he will never forget.
With all of that said, there is also a time when the tree has to come down. And today was that day, mine is finally gone!!! We threw it out the window today, seriously. (I live on the second floor and since there were cups of pine needles falling off every time the tree was moved I thought it would be less of a mess to toss it out the nearest window instead of dragging it down our 20 stairs.) I think Layne enjoy's taking the decorations down and watching daddy throw it out the window just as much as he likes setting it up. And since this is the second year we have done it, I think we have started another tradition. A silly one, but one Layne will probably always remember. : )
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Life is definitely what you make it
I didn't really want to write about this last night because I honestly couldn't think of the right words or what was okay to say. I'm still not sure what is okay to say.
I have a hard time dealing with loss. I usually go into a numbing shock and then cry just a little. But I am incapable of feeling the pain of that loss. I can't feel the hurt or emptiness that other's feel when someone dies because I have already been there. I have already been to the lowest of my low and felt the most heartfelt pain I could ever feel when I lost my sister. The pain I felt was like death itself. I could not move, it hurt to breath, I couldn't eat or drink and all I wanted to do was sleep and cry. It just hurt to live without her here. And because I've been there, for some reason, I haven't been able to go there again. I guess you could say I'm lucky that I don't feel so many emotions when other's pass. But I sometimes feel as though I am cheated out of the grieving process. Like I can't mourn them because I can't feel the pain I need to go through that.
I feel so badly that I can't feel overwhelming sadness anymore. The only thing that gets me through these tragedies is thinking of the good things. I can still feel the happiness of the good memories I share with the people who are no longer here. So instead of mourning them I celebrate their life instead. I try to think of the positive things. Yes, it is a horrible thing that this person is no longer here, but these are the millions of things they left behind for us. Children, memories, photos, life lessons, advice... and most of all LOVE. I have come to realize that I don't need to be sad to mourn, I can be happy and mourn just the same.
I am so sorry for the loss of Amber. That first night I choked up and was brought to tears multiple times. Just knowing that she is no longer here with her babies kills me because I cannot imagine what it will be like for them. They are very lucky to have so many of their moms friends in their lives. They may not grow up with their mom, but they will know her through them and the memories they shared. I am so glad that Amber took so many photos. And I'll never forget that the last time I saw her she hugged me like no time had passed at all and smiled the whole time telling me about her babies. I haven't seen Brady since he was a newborn, but when I went to meet him she gave me her What to Expect When Your Expecting book. I still have it and used it to write down all of my pregnancy adventures. Thank you Amber for being my friend and for giving me that book. It meant a lot to me then because I didn't have the money to buy one and you just handed it to me without thinking twice, and it means even more to me now. I'll never forget your laugh, the way you always played with your tongue ring, your sweater obsession, and your love for being in photos. That you spoke your mind, stuck up for your friends, loved your brothers and sisters and always had fun no matter what you were doing. ; ) Be at peace and love your babies from above. We'll all miss you, but I know we'll see you again. <3 <3 <3
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
People Could Be Nicer
I read an article today on parentdish.com about the overall benefits of breastfeeding called "People Would Be Nicer If They Got More Cuddling And Breast Milk, Study Says."
The article starts off with a joke about Atilla the Hun not getting enough breast milk or parental attention, which must have led to his merciless and ruthless behavior as an adult. Although the joke was funny and not meant in a serious nature, it could hold some truth. Back around 406 AD, the Huns male children (a group of Magnolian People) were cut on each cheek with a sword after birth and before being able to nurse. The people believed this would make them "bold and fierce warriors". They also, for the most part, lived on their horses as they traveled from place to place killing and stealing. Obviously this is not a good environment to bring up a child in, but the point they were trying to make still stands. Maybe if he was raised in a loving home, breastfeed a little longer and touched more he would have been a better person. And now that my little history lesson is out of the way... I'll get to the real subject which is Breastfeeding. I'm sure this will be one of MANY Breastfeeding posts. ; )
I grew to love this article, even after their slightly odd joke. I was a breastfeeding mother, and I loved every moment of it! I went through having a hard time getting my son to latch on, the sore, bleeding and cracked nipple stage, the biting stage and then the awkward "are you really still breastfeeding??" looks from strangers... and even family. I breastfed my son until he was 11 1/2 months old and personally..... I wish I could have done it longer. THIS is what the article is about. Continuing to breastfeed until kindergarten age, which is about 5-6 years old. Most, probably 95 % of people, are probably thinking... "WHAT?? That's disgusting and borderline abuse." And I asked myself, who would have loved to breastfeed my son past the age of one, why people think that way. Why did my family ask me when I was going to wean my son even though he was only 5 months old? And the answer to those questions is society sexualizes breasts. Breastfeeding is the act of nourishing a child, providing them with love, comfort and the feeling of safety. This is not something that should be frowned upon and made to be done in private. This is not a sexual act no matter how old the child is. The act of breastfeeding is called care giving.
I am glad this article, and many many more, exist and give the evidence that breastfeeding past the age of one is not only okay but good for your child!! The benefits of breastfeeding never stop as the breast milk changes as your child ages. It continues to provide antibodies and enhances your child's immune system so he/she is less prone to nasty ear infections, colds and allergies. There are so many myth's out there that after the colostrum is gone breast milk is no longer better than formula. That after a year they no longer need it. When in actual studies it has been shown to be a positive thing to breastfeed through the toddler years rather than the negative thing society makes it out to be.
If my son had not self weaned at 11 1/2 months I would have breastfed for as long as I could. It kept me in shape, the hormones kept me in a good mood and I got to snuggle my growing baby just a little bit more than others with children his age. I loved breastfeeding, and am so glad that there is so much information out there and that I came across it. I cannot wait to breastfeed again. It is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced and something I will never forget. : )
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